HOW TO GET MORE HITS ON YOUR HIPSTER BLOG

So I went to the restaurant with my kid sister last week, in search of a decent cheeseburger. I'd heard there was a great place, the new rave of all the gourmands in town. Not your usual tourist trap frequented by Americans in loud apparel. A bona fide, undiscovered hipster joint. So we headed towards the dirty south end of town. No crystal castles here, just a lot of bums, and VNDLSM on the walls. The decor of the bistro was...interesting and featured a large sculpture entitled "The Spirit of Williamsburg"...a monkey playing the drums..some sort of simian mobile disco, it would seem. It was quite beautiful and obviously created by someone with talent, a master of the craft. Stunning. After a long wait, sis and I were seated by our server in an angular, modular banquette. I order the cheeseburger.
"You have your choice between two sides, Aoki leaf salad, which has tons of vitamins for you...or the hot chips." I chose the latter. After a long wait, our food eventually arrives at our table.
Villains! Where's the fuckin' ketchup? M.I.A. Nowhere to be found. So I yelle over to our waiter "yo, quit fuckin' with the presets on your iphone and get me some some ketchup you daft punk! My side of fries ain't gettng any warmer, here!" At which point he offers me a mayo/fresh herb mashup instead. Now, while a lack of mayo for your hot chips would usually cause a riot in Belgium, I was all "WTF..I ain't dim, Mack! If there's any justice in this world you'll go get me some fucking ketchup!" The server seemed rather confused by this, and instead offered me a dessert menu featuring glass candy and some kind of flan with peaches in it. At this point, I just gave up completely...took my poor aching 'ed, banged it on the the table..paid my bill and left.

I gotta say, though, the burger was pretty hyphy.


HISTORY LESSON: SO YOU THINK WE INVENTED SYNTH PUNK?
Well, we didn't. The Screamers did. Well, they might not have invented it, but they sure did it well. RIP, Tomata Du Plenty.



WHO THE FUCK IS COBRAPANTS ANYHOW?
All shall be revealed...eventually.

I_mEveryWoman_VNDLSMRemix_.mp3
"I'm Every Woman"
Whitney Houston
VNDLSM RMX

StupidDumbHyphy.mp3
"Stupid Dumb Hyphy"
Mr. Fab